Complicated, unorganized thinking

These days I was having so much difficult kinds of thought about life, and they are so unorganized. Here I am just trying to list them and make it organized. (Well, I hope so)

Lack of objective:
Yes, even a guy who has dedicated to do research in the rest or most of his life found himself lacking objectives. As I grow up in Hong Kong, I started to develop a habit of making decisions with fear driving it. For example, we studied so that we didn't fail the exam. So that later we can get into good university and later that we can find good jobs and have a bright future. No one, or I would say, a few of us will try to fight for their dreams. (No offend) Some of my friend do say they fight for their dreams, but when I look at him as an outsider I don't see it that way. This shouldn't be how I rule myself for the remainder of my life.

Ok, so how am I suppose to find my objective.. do I really like research? yes, I am more than happy to do research as that gives me more challenge and more successful feeling. By doing research, I can also know the upfront knowledge, as I am actually pushing the boundaries. But, is that it? is research only about myself? Research can help the world. or I can say it this way, the research I am doing can help others to conduct research which can help the world.

Since I do research because I love to do so, so I should not work because someone ask me to do so. I read papers because that is the only way I can reach the boundaries. Only when I am at the boundaries, can I really conduct research.

Do research because I like to.
Read paper because I can reach the boundaries.

Aggressiveness:
People always say that if you want to survive in the world nowadays, you need to be aggressive. Yesterday I talked with a postdoc. He mentioned that I should consider different strategies when I want to choose different career plan in the future. For example, if I want to continue with academic, then I should start to know some big professors so that they can transfer me or recommend me to some good school. If I want to continue with industry, then I should focus more on the publications which is the only thing that industry will look at when they hire people.

I don't like to be aggressive. I don't like to think how I can be aggressive. It just isn't my character. I would just let it be. In lecture, if I have something that I don't understand, I will ask the professor. Well, just that simple.

Have questions, then ask.

Trust God will make a way (song):
God will make a way
Where there seems to be no way
He works in ways we cannot see
He will make a way for me.

Then I don't need to worry whether I can still have a bright future or not if I don't live with aggressiveness. Because only my path will be different in this materialistic world. The ending of my life will always be the same. So all the others are just not as important. All I need to do is to live the way He wants me to live, which is to read bible everyday and to preach His gospel.

Put everything aside and let Him guide.

Laziness:
If destination will be ultimately the same, why do I need to work hard? Why don't I just lay there and wait? I am sure this is not the way He wants us to live. He gives me unique abilities. Then I should follow what He planned for me. Only in such way can I live happily within his plan, like He must have already planned my job in the future, He must have already planned my partner in the future. This is a gift and I am very happy to enjoy His gift for me!

Live according to the ability that you are equipped. Don't waste it and treasure it.

Seems I have four of my rules for life. Let me test it with some real life situations!!